


He Was Never There

by kjonginexo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Implied Smut, M/M, No happy endings, One Shot, Song fic, i hurt some feelings with this one, this is a bunch of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 01:40:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14368155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjonginexo/pseuds/kjonginexo
Summary: It was like he was never there, it was like he was gone in thin air. When it's time, it won't matter.





	He Was Never There

**Author's Note:**

> alright so i'm going to be posting five more one shots all inspired by my dear melancholy, you all know the weeknd is my creative outlet. so 1/6, down.  
> they're not going to be connected by the way.   
> this one is based off i was never there.

Sehun’s shoulders were hunched forward, facing away from the wind as his body was shivering from the harsh wind hitting his back. Opening a pack of cigarettes, he pressed one to his lips while the other hand reached for the lighter in his long puffy black coat, striking it with his thumb to light the nicotine stick. Mentally he cursed, loathing being outside in the middle of a wet winter but the shoot going on inside the studio stressed him out enough to dig into the pack of Marlboro’s taking up space in his glove compartment. Sehun hadn’t had a cigarette in his system for a few months, he was living his best life being stress free on the island of Jeju in his vacation home, being a successful model had it’s perks. The embers lit the opposite end of the cigarette, wincing at the burn swelling in his chest as he inhaled the smoke, exhaling from his lips with a shaky hand from shivering.

The photographers inside were harsh in their directing, treating Sehun as if he had never modeled a day in his life and working him to the bone. He was absolutely sure the other models weren’t being treated any better. He’d always had smooth sailing when it came to his job, he knew how to model and he did it well, always earned the cover photos on high end fashion magazines or even the star of the show on a runway. Oh Sehun, internationally known model, was being dragged around like an amateur, a cigarette was definitely called for in this juncture.

Fingertips numbing, body shaking through shivers, but his chest warm from the burn of the nicotine and smoke entering his lungs, Sehun enjoyed the quietness of the outside. His black hair fell in front of his eyes with a push of the wind, shaking it out of his face with a sigh; breath visible in the air in front of him. “Hey,” A honey like voice called out to him, making him jump and whirl around, cigarette pressed between his fingers and almost pressed to his lips. The tan man had smoldering eyes from the kohl lining his waterline, lips plush and plump, naturally pushed into a full pout. Strong frame with a black blouse button down adorning his body, gold floral accents along the cuffs. His biceps appeared toned from beneath the fabric, thighs thick in the black slacks, Sehun wondered if he could ever do a shoot with him.

The tan man chuckled, black hair bouncing faintly with each step he took over to him. “Are you going to stare more?” The stranger didn’t have a cocky tone, a genuine curious one that still made Sehun’s cheeks flush in embarrassment. He hissed out when the cigarette embers burned to his fingers, making him drop it on the damp concrete, cheeks going hotter. “Sorry, dozed out for a minute.” He stomped it out with his shoe until the bud was flattened and extinguished on the ground, eyes flickering up to meet the brown ones that appeared warmer in appearance than his own cool ones. “It’s okay, they’re expecting you on the set,” the man turned around before stopping, head over his shoulder with a coy smile on his lips. “Someone as pretty as you shouldn’t smoke, it’d be a shame if a face like yours aged faster.”

Sehun’s cheeks felt hot but not with embarrassment, he felt shy, bottom lip taken in between his teeth. That was how he met Kim Jongin, and Sehun never touched a pack of Marlboro’s ever again.

 

Sehun knew he wasn’t good news for the soft spoken model who adored cream colored over sized sweaters and teddy bears, a genuine blessing to this Earth. They started out fine, he thinks, he recalls a fine start at least in his hazy mindset of the relationship. They went on dates to fancy places in Gangnam district of Seoul, hiding away from the paparazzi with sheathed giggles escaping their lips, lazy kisses pressed to one another’s lips in a darkly tinted car or dimly lit alleyway. Small moments of privacy is what they lived off of, the times in the morning where Jongin was naked in the stark white silk sheets of Sehun’s bed. His hair messy against the feather stuffed pillows, lips parted with soft exhales and face swollen from sleep, Sehun liked those moments. He could recall those moments being the best moments in their relationship that was fleeting from them from the start.

Jongin committed more to Sehun than Sehun did him, Sehun was known for passing flings, Jongin was known for something steady. He didn’t know where he had broken Jongin apart, he wasn’t sure if it was somewhere in between where Sehun mentioned meeting and hooking up with his past flings, blown Jongin off for something pretty in a club, or when Sehun didn’t mention what he was looking for in the first place when they first met. Somewhere, he broke Jongin apart, he only knew it was happening when he was laying next to Jongin in the bed. Soft sniffles filled the room, golden sun-kissed cheeks were wet and reflecting beneath the silver rays of the moon, Sehun knew it was him he had cried. Sehun knew Jongin’s happiness wasn’t real, he feigned it, Sehun was more than sure he took it away and mindless sex is how he felt.

Sehun didn’t make it better, didn’t try or put in a single effort to alleviate Jongin’s pains, he knew there would be no point. Sehun assumed when it was time, it won’t matter, Jongin and him would part and their worlds wouldn’t need to combine ever again. Jongin would return to lounging for Calvin Klein or Armani, and Sehun would return to modeling for magazines or strutting a runway, both soul searching for different things they didn’t have in common. Unlike Jongin, Sehun always felt like having mindless sex, sex with not a single attachment to it or a friends with benefits no strings attached relationship, that feeling wasn’t void of him, he bathed in it. Jongin wanted to someone to love, someone to hold and call him his, someone who wouldn’t hide him in the back alleys because they didn’t want to be rumored to be tied down, Jongin didn’t want someone like Sehun but yet he wanted Sehun.

Sehun wasn’t waiting for the moment for Jongin to decide it was all pointless trying to be with him, perhaps Sehun should’ve told him anytime he wasn’t going to love Jongin back, that his love was something toxic. Jongin kept poisoning himself again and again with every night he woke up the next morning, feeling nothing and on the edge of something breaking. Sehun could see his mind and heart fading in the shell behind his eyes, he was sure if Jongin kept going he wouldn’t make it, but Sehun didn’t say anything.

Sehun may have felt love for the other man who brightened most of his days, mindless sex treated him better than love ever could but with Jongin that felt different, almost wrong. He didn’t love Jongin enough to save him, free him, it didn’t matter either way since Jongin was a facade of the person he once knew since Sehun treated him like a toy; injected the venom of a false love and broken promises into him before he could stop himself. Kissing Jongin slowly and passionately, taking his breath away and swallowing every whimper, wiping every tear, Sehun spoke false promises in his actions, words not needed.

Jongin caught on one night, drunk on tequila he realized Sehun wasn’t ever going to be just his. He was on the brink of breaking, fading away into nothing, poison was filling his veins, heart, and mind to the brim of not returning. “It’s all because of you I’m falling apart!” Sehun remembers Jongin crying as he screamed at him, forcefully shoving his chest. Sehun felt his heart clench at the sight of tears falling down his face, he wanted to wipe them away, pull him back to his chest, but those were just more unspoken broken promises he couldn’t deliver to him. “Don’t you know that? It’s all your fault, I’m broken, fading, and it’s all your fault, Sehun.”  
Sehun watched as he wept, he didn’t have anything to say since he did know; eyes watery with a hurt of his own he couldn’t explain. He didn’t want to explain it, he didn’t want to think about how he ruined someone when he could’ve been giving them the affection and love they were wanting in return, so instead he watched with an empty brain as Jongin wept until he was able to collect himself. Sehun watched with an empty mind as Jongin left, he was sure he would never have the honor of waking up to see Jongin naked in his sheets ever again.

 

Sehun’s face felt caked with the foundation and setting powder on his face, his waterline just a little too dry from the kohl, but he felt numb on the inside from watching Jongin pose beneath the studio lights two months after their fling. He was toned, elegant with effortless grace as he flashed a smolder to the camera, tongue darting over full lips. Jongin never looked Sehun’s way but Sehun couldn’t stop watching Jongin, no one could keep their eyes off the model; he didn’t look out of place.

From the outside looking in, it was like Jongin was never there with Sehun. They spoke once outside on a wet winter day so Sehun could come back inside and work, they may have known each other’s names in passing whispers or billboards; never a personal exchange. Sehun wouldn’t have thought Jongin was ever with him either, like they never kissed or made love until the sun was rising low in the sky, he wouldn’t have ever thought Jongin was there either except he still hasn’t touched the pack of Marlboro’s from that day that still take up space in his car.


End file.
